Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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