my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
