office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
