i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize