if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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