He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
