We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
