well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
two words...techno handjob
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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