Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
