I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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