had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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