I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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