So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
