He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
