I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
