Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
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