Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize