Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
