I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
