And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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