She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
