I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize