yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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