u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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