It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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