I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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