a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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