I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
