The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just sent this text using only my big toe
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize