I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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