sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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