Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
