sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
