God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's get the cat blown out
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
