I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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