One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
