I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize