he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
