I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
