I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
