I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
