Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
