You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize