If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
