she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
