I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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