and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
pop tarts are not kleenex
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
