i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize