Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
