hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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