Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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