I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
