I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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