Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
