Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
