wat bout pragnant strippers??
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
