I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
