Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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