That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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