I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
