There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
and you fell through a lawn chair
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize