i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she looked like the before picture.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
