Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
