I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
